Eagle Scouts of America

Not gonna play today. Just feeling tired and down and I don't play well when I'm like this.

I'll share with you guys my pet peeve when it comes to poker.

No, it's not when someone bluffs a dry sidepot in a tournament.

No, it's not when some supertight old man sits down for a half hour, doesn't play a hand, then asks for a setup.

I encountered my favorite opponent of all time at the Luxor in a $1-2 no limit game almost two years ago. This was a $50 buy-in game. That was the most you could start with, but this man was in the game for over $600 in the couple hours since I sat down. He was a happy-go-lucky mustached midwesterner, mid-forties, in town for some agricultural convention. He never raised a hand. He just waited for you to make a hand, then called down any bets to the river if he had a draw as good as a gutshot or a hand as good as Queen-high. When he lost his chips he pulled out an overstuffed bank envelope full of hundred dollar bills and gave one to a dealer standing to the side of the table. You see, the Luxor had an ad-hoc chip runner designated for this guy, like a personal valet.

He didn't really care if he won or lost. But while he was in Vegas he wanted to be the big gambler, flashing his hundreds and getting attention. And he wanted respect, if not for the way he played, at least for his willingness to gamble.

Then this young local player sits down with his iPod and his track jacket. He watches what is going on and catches my eye hoping I will share his contempt for this guy's play and we can enjoy a shared moment of quiet superiority. This is the young Eagle Scout of Poker. You have met him before, or one of his Brothers, or you'll meet him soon if you play enough cards. His play is technically good. He reports what the odds were after hands are over, tries to enforce the rules, and lets everyone know he is a Poker Player. He doesn't see the big picture.

What happens in this game is the Midwesterner exposes one of his cards before the hand is over--actually I'm not even sure, it may have been some other infraction--he does something against the rules but only because he doesn't know any better. When the dealer fails to yell loudly enough, Eagle Scout demands the floorman come and discipline the gamblin sumbitch.

Eagle Scout doesn't see the big picture. Eagle Scout just disrespected the guy, made him feel not-so-special, like he is not really a big important gambler after all but a lousy kid who needs to report to the principal's office. In short Eagle Scout does the one thing that will get the Midwesterner to leave the game. And that's what the guy does, picking up his remaining chips in a huff.

I've seen this scene play out several times since. Every time there's a rambling gambling player--usually a loose-aggressive guy as opposed to the guy at the Luxor who was more loose-passive--and there's also an Eagle Scout at the same table, you have a delicate situation that can turn ugly fast. If a conflict arises, and it probably will, resolve to come to the defense of the Gambler as long as he's not ridiculously out of line.